Getting to Know the Cullen Coven
by ebhg
Summary: Curiosity killed the cat; or, at the very least, maimed it. Of course, Charlie Swan learned that lesson the hard way. Set after Breaking Dawn. Winner of the Emmett Award: Best Humor in the 2nd round of the Sparkle Awards.
1. Chapter 1

**Getting to Know the Cullen Coven**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

"So, how is Renesmee growing so fast? She looked like an infant when I first saw her," Charlie said, flabbergasted. He and Sue had hung around the Cullen home enough in the past year that he was starting to get comfortable with all their strange quirks. He was even getting curious about those quirks, if he were honest with himself.

"We're not sure, Carlisle thinks it's a result of Bella's human DNA combining with Edward's," started Rosalie.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa… too much… just… need to know, right?" Charlie glanced quickly over at Edward, wincing, and continued, his curiosity getting the better of him. "I mean, you're not from Mars, or Pluto or anything though, right?" Charlie was stuck between real curiosity and a desire to turn on the Mariners game and ask again another day. Acknowledging his daughter was a mother was one thing; contemplating how his daughter became a mother was another thing entirely.

"I assure you, I was born in Chicago; there are no extraterrestrials in my ancestry," Edward said this with a touch of a smile ghosting his lips.

"Yeah, it's not the _where_ you should be worried about, it's the _when_!" Emmet said gleefully from in front of his videogame. Rosalie smacked him in the head, glaring.

"What?" he said, indignant.

Charlie just looked confused, "When? What does he mean when?"

Bella gave Emmett another death glare. "Are you sure you want to know this?" Edward had warned her that this was coming. At Charlie's nod, Bella began. "I guess you're going to see for yourself soon enough. You've certainly seen enough unusual development with Renesmee already...we… don't really age. I will stay this way forever, now that I'm… _changed_. Just as all the Cullens have stayed the same after their changes too. Renesmee is still half human, though, so she is a little different. She's growing rapidly now, but it will taper off in a few years, then she'll also stop aging."

"Well, can she get sick? You guys don't seem to get sick, and I mean people, well, human people are a lot stronger nowadays, right? You don't see people keeling over right and left from some little flu bug now do you?"

Edward suddenly stood up. "Excuse me, just a moment," he said, and he walked out of the room in order to keep himself from growling at his father-in-law.

"What's his problem?" Charlie said, looking at the suddenly subdued faces around the room. Bella's face was both sad for Edward and irritated with Charlie for inadvertently insulting her husband.

"Um, I'm not sure how to tell you this…you remember Jake said that I _had_ to be changed…that I was dying?"

"Yeah… but what does that have to do with Edward jumping up and leaving like his pants were on fire?"Charlie was really confused.

"Well, when Edward was changed by Carlisle, he was near death as well; he was dying of the _Spanish_ _Influenza_ and he had just lost both his mother and father to the disease," said Bella.

"Spanish Influenza? What!?" said Charlie. '_When's the last time the flu wiped out whole families in the United States'_ he thought; suddenly, his mouth dropped open and his face went pale. "Not where, but _when_…"

"I assure you I was telling the truth about my place of birth," Edward said, appearing much calmer now, and leaning on the doorframe. "I only failed to indicate _when." _Edward had been picking up on Charlie's increasing curiosity for a few months now; it seemed it had reached a flashpoint today, thanks to Emmett's thoughtless admission.

Charlie just sat with a dumbfounded expression on his face, looking at Edward over his shoulder. "Sorry Edward… I mean, you're not, um, weak." he mumbled. He looked Edward in the eye, curiosity evident in his features.

"I'll answer your questions, but you must ask them first."

Charlie's mouth dropped open, and he stood to face his son-in-law. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"I'm very good at reading people." Edward hedged, not eager to divulge the entire truth unless asked point blank.

"You mean you've got that…what's it called? ESP?!" Charlie asked. Emmett laughed; Edward pursed his lips. He hadn't expected Charlie to probe further, considering the lack of desire for further knowledge he had shown in the past. However, the police investigator within Charlie was fishing, and it wasn't for trout. Edward decided to be honest; if Bella took after Charlie at all, her father wouldn't be satisfied with half-truths.

"I can…read minds; it was a…side effect…of my change," Edward paused; Charlie was half-expecting this answer, though he hadn't yet absorbed every implication. Edward continued, "… except for Bella's. Your own thoughts are sometimes a little patchy, as though I've got a bad reception. Perhaps Bella inherited her gift."

Charlie suddenly looked chagrined as full realization dawned.

"Yes, even when you entertained notions of shooting me, or using your Tazer on me," Edward said it with a cool look, though one corner of his mouth threatened to turn up.

"Charlie! You've been holding out on me, man! When were you thinking of shooting Edward?" Emmett looked as though Christmas had come early. He was clearly hoping for Charlie to divulge potentially embarrassing information. Edward grimaced as three separate occasions surfaced in Charlie's thoughts; most of them from the last couple of months before the wedding. All of them included Edward touching Bella casually; tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, watching a movie curled together on the couch, and the first time Charlie had seen Edward kiss her good night. He had considered Tazing him the night he had brought the Dartmouth application. Charlie had felt that Edward was trying to buy Bella through college tuition.

"_Emmett_!" Edward cut him off with a warning glare, and Emmett's face fell. He turned around, muttering under his breath so only vampires and werewolves could hear, "I'll remind you of this when Jacob starts trying to climb in Nessie's window."

Charlie's mind was working now. Edward grimaced at the turn his thoughts had taken. "No, foil doesn't block my ability…Emmett tried it when he read _Slave Ship _by Frederik Pohl; needless to say, the experiment failed…" Edward said.

Charlie sat in silence for a few moments, absorbing the new information. Just when Edward thought they were safe, Charlie spoke up again.

"Back to the 'when' thing…were you even born in the same century as Bella?" asked Charlie.

"Y-e-s…" said Edward; he sounded uncharacteristically nervous.

"What does that mean!? Were you born in 1900!?

"And one." Edward said, as though it made all the difference in the world.

"And one!? As in 19-0-_1_?" Charlie looked positively faint. He turned to Bella. "Did you know he was old enough to be your grandfather when you started dating him?"

"Well, Dad, if you want to get technical, he's old enough to be _your_ grandfather."

"If we're going to get _technical_, I'm 17. I'm the youngest one here, save Renesmee," said Edward.

"Bells?! You married a seventeen year old? Didn't you hear anything your mother and I said about marrying young? Seventeen year old boys all want the same thing!" Charlie said exasperated.

Emmett howled with laughter, "Not this seventeen year old! Bella was more-" Rosalie's hand cut Emmett off before Bella could leap over the couch to silence Emmett herself.

"In my time, seventeen was an adult," Edward said defensively.

Charlie sat heavily in his chair and appraised his daughter's husband. "So, you were dying? When you were 17? I guess that was in 1918?" Charlie glanced around at the others in the room. "Are you all that old? Did Carlisle save you all from the flu?" he asked.

"Nah, just Edward. I was mauled by a bear in 1935, just a couple years after Rosalie was turned." Emmett said it with a glint of pride in his eyes, as though it made him tougher than everyone else.

"Edward and Bella aren't that far apart in age, if you consider that Esme was turned in 1921, and Carlisle was changed _way_ back in the 1640's." Emmett was positively gleeful now, really enjoying torturing Charlie.

"1640?!" said Charlie, disbelievingly.

"I'm assuming I'm just as old, or _young_ as Edward; I think I was born the same year as he was, though I wasn't changed till the 1920's. Jasper was turned sometime after 1863. We came to the family after our changes though," said Alice as she strolled into the room, Jasper trailing behind.

"How did you know what we were talking about? You were upstairs! Are you all mind readers?" Charlie asked.

"Oh no, that's just Edward. Not everyone has gifts. I actually had a touch of mine before my change. Needless to say, the family has learned over the years that they shouldn't bet against me" Alice said cryptically with a cheeky grin.

"I'm an empath," Jasper said simply, shrugging his shoulders.

"Can I show Grandpa what I can do?" Renesmee said, looking up at Bella with big eyes.

"You should ask Grandpa; I think he's heard quite a lot already," said Bella.

Charlie looked as though he was near the end of his rope, though he couldn't say no to his only granddaughter. "Sure, Ness, what can you do?"

Renesmee slid off Bella's lap and walked over to her grandfather; she shyly lifted her hand to his cheek and started to show him her day. Edward was grinning proudly at his daughter, and chuckling at the images she was showing Charlie. The grin slid off his face altogether though, when she showed Charlie one of Edward and Bella kissing in the kitchen this morning. Charlie cringed at the picture of his only daughter being so… _passionate_. Then Renesmee showed her grandfather what she had for breakfast this morning…

"No! Not that one!" said Edward.

"Blood!? For breakfast!? What are you, a…a….a…Vampire?!" Realization dawned over his features as the color drained completely from his face, and he slid from his seat onto the floor.

Renesmee was startled at Charlie's sudden reaction, though she was nonplussed when she responded, "Oh, I'm only half; and don't worry, Grandpa, we're vegetarian."

He barely heard her before he hit the floor.

A/N: I've not personally read _Slave Ship _by Frederik Pohl, but a Google search for 'aluminum foil hats to block ESP' brings up that book. It was published in 1956.

Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up with the Cullen Coven

"Charlie?!"

"Dad!"

"Grandpa!"

Everyone jumped up at once, trying to help Charlie, and mostly getting in the way.

"What happened to Grandpa Charlie?" Renesmee was worried, looking between Bella and Edward. "Why did he just fall asleep like that?"

"Ness…"Edward looked chagrined at Bella, who gave him a 'not that again' look, "Renesmee… your grandfather isn't used to your gift; I'm afraid your breakfast was a little too shocking to him. And it's not nice to show Grandpa Charlie Daddy and Mommy's …um… _special_ moments."

"Whoo! Nessie!, You've been holding out too! You gotta tell your Uncle Emmett when you catch Mommy and Daddy! I've been waiting 80 years to embarrass your dad!"

"Emmett, if you've been 'waiting' to embarrass me for 80 years, you haven't been paying attention. I assure you, she didn't show Charlie anything that you haven't seen. It's just not polite to show that to a girl's father."

"All I've ever seen you and Bella do is kiss… you call that a 'special moment'? What a prude! What century were _you_ born in! Oh, yeah… that's what got us into this mess. You know, when Rose and I have a 'special moment' it's usually a lot more exciting. "

"Emmett!" growled Rosalie.

Edward glared at Emmett "Need I remind you that my young and impressionable daughter is standing right here?"

"Er, sorry, Nessie… just don't ask Jake for any special moments for a while…OW… Bella!"

Bella looked at Emmett with a sweetly innocent look in her eyes, all the while baring her teeth at him.

"Geez! You have got to remember that you're going to be extra strong for a while, Bella!" Emmett was rubbing his upper arm with a grimace.

"Bella? Where am I? I had this terrible dream…I dreamt…I dreamt…. that you and Edward and Ness, and all the Cullens were…_ vampires_…"Charlie whispered the last word, and opened his eyes, blinking several times. "Oh hell. I'm still here… I _wasn't_ dreaming… was I?"

"Here, let's help you up, you can lie down on the couch till you're feeling better," said Alice.

"I'll help you, Charlie! You're nothing compared to an irritable grizzly!" Emmett boomed, scooping Charlie up and depositing him a little less than gently on the couch.

"Grizzly?! I thought…vegetarian?" Charlie still had a dazed look as he took in the six, well, five and a half… _v-a-m-p-i-r-e-_s standing around him.

"Are you really sure you want to know this? You haven't ever wanted to know before…" Edward said, trying to spare Charlie's heart.

"I survived Jake exploding into…" Charlie shuddered, "a _dog _after his little strip tease…"

Charlie and Edward both shuddered at Charlie's memory of Jacob Black stripping down before phasing.

"That's something I'd prefer you to _not_ think of in my presence." Edward shuddered again. Emmett grimaced. He didn't need Edward's ability to picture the situation. He made perfectly vivid pictures on his own.

"Oh, sorry…you get pictures too, huh?"

"Unfortunately." Edward grimaced at Charlie's next thought. "That too. I never knew that I could be eviscerated in so many different ways. You can be a dangerous man Charlie. I think Bella is more like you than she thinks."

A very sheepish Charlie muttered, "Sorry…so, vegetarian?"

"Sorry Dad, it's a private joke; what Renesmee meant is our family doesn't drink _human_ blood. We rely on animals."

"Oh, that's good, I guess. Animals…like… grizzlies?" Charlie whispered with big eyes, still somewhat shell shocked. He looked over at Emmett's huge form standing next to the couch and unconsciously slid further down in his seat, away from Emmett.

"That's my favorite! Nothin' like a good angry bear to get the blood pumping; except…we don't have pumping hearts… well, you know what I mean," said Emmett.

"We mostly hunt deer, and elk. We all love a little big game though, when the population can support it," chimed Jasper, speaking for the first time since Charlie regained consciousness. At the same time, Jasper grasped Charlie's upper arm, and let loose another wave of calm.

"Wow… thanks for that… You know? You're better than those Valiums Rene used to take. Is that how we pulled off the wedding?"

"Of course! We couldn't have you and Rene blubbering the whole time! It would have ruined the pictures!" Alice seemed surprised that Charlie hadn't thought of that himself.

"Hello! We're home!"

Renesmee jumped up and ran to the front door. "Grandma Esme! Grandpa Carlisle! Guess what?! Grandpa Charlie is here!" Renesmee leapt up into Esme's arms, and showed both her and Carlisle the conversation that led to Charlie's introduction to the floor.

"Renesmee! You know what your Daddy says about sharing too much with Grandpa Charlie," Esme scolded softly.

"Sorry," Renesmee said, only momentarily chagrinned. "Guess what! Grandpa Charlie said he wanted to _shoot_ and _e-vis-er-ate_ Daddy!"

"Who's eviscerating Edward, and why wasn't I invited?"

"Jake!" Renesmee cried, leaping into his arms from Esme's.

"Jacob! What have I told you about making comments like that in front of Renesmee?" Bella looked past Esme to give Jacob a glare as the three newcomers came in and joined the family in the living room.

"Sorry, _MOM,"_ said Jacob.

"Uh oh," said Edward as he moved quickly to take his daughter from Jacob.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CALLING ME _MOM?!!!"_ Bella yelled at Jacob, forcing him to cover his ears.

"Geez, Bella, lighten up! You know I'll be calling you that someday, why not start now?"

Bella pounced on Jacob, knocking him down to the floor, and pointing her finger in his face. "You will wait until that day, if you know what's good for you!"

Edward was triumphant where he sat, just watching the proceedings; enjoying every minute of his wife taking the dog down a notch.

"WHOOO!!" yelled Emmett.

"Go Bella! Take the big bad wolf down! Watch the table!" said Alice, Rosalie and Esme.

"Wow, Edward, you weren't joking; she's got a wild side! Is that why you had to replace the bed at Isle Esme?" Emmett was positively gleeful now.

Edward gave Emmett another glare, and muttered to him so Charlie couldn't hear, "You would do well to remember the terms of our agreement after your arm wrestling loss."

With that reminder, Emmett looked like a little boy at a carnival who had just accidentally let go of his helium balloon.

"Speaking of Isle Esme, Edward, while we were there, we spoke to Kaure and Gustavo…" Carlisle suddenly had a rare smirk grace his lips. "They were…" Carlisle cleared his throat, "relieved to know that 'Mr. Edward' did not _eat_ his lovely bride. She also asked if you are going to burst any more pillows, could you please not use feather pillows."

Edward looked at Bella, and they both looked embarrassed, then they both started sniggering. Emmett was on the floor, rolling and laughing uncontrollably. Jacob and Charlie both looked a little green, while Alice, Jasper, Esme and Carlisle were softly laughing. Rosalie rolled her eyes at her husband, but started smiling as well.

"Mommy, why would Daddy eat you? Did you have a pillow fight? Oh!" Renesmee's eyes were suddenly big and round. "Sorry Daddy, is that a '_special_ moment?' or can I have a pillow fight with Jake?"

Emmett was so far gone now, that he couldn't even speak coherently. Charlie, however, was confused; suddenly he remembered what Jake said.

"Jacob, why on earth would you call Bella _Mom_?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Is that like those Elvis guys in Vegas?**

"Jacob, why on earth would you call Bella _Mom_?"

Everyone stopped laughing, and looked to see what Jacob would say. Jacob looked like a lamb being prepared for the slaughter.

"Bella, you've gotta help me outta this," Jake said.

"Sorry Jake. Seems like you dug your own hole there," Bella said with a smug grin on her face.

"Edward…_Dad,_" Jacob tried next.

"I don't think so. I've been mentally shot, tazed, and eviscerated enough for one day. I think I'll just sit back and enjoy the show. Good luck with that," Edward was really enjoying this now. As much as he may have accepted Jacob into his life and his daughter's as a permanent fixture, he had a score to settle. Renesmee settled her head on Edward's shoulder and drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the day's excitement.

"Charlie, you don't have your gun with you, do you?" Jacob asked.

"I never carry my gun off duty, you know that Jake… wait, why would I need my gun?"

"Um, Charlie, you just admitted to having wanted to shoot Edward…I know I heal fast and all, but I don't want to get shot…" Jake was turning greener now than when he was trying not to think about Edward and Bella having a pillow fight on their honeymoon.

Emmett was just watching the action and the banter trade back and forth like a champion match at Wimbledon.

"Jake…you're making me nervous… I've had several bombs dropped on me today… do I _need_ to shoot you?" Charlie was starting to lose his confused look to his suspicious look, which was quickly losing ground to his best _this dirt-bag is hiding something from me_ cop look.

"NO! No, no, no! That's not what I mean…um, how much of our ways has Sue explained to you?" Jacob was now grey and starting to sweat.

"Sue? Well, not much to be honest…why?" Charlie was still holding on to his _I'm going to make you crap your pants_ cop look.

"Well, you remember how Sam and Leah used to go out?" Jacob was desperate now.

"Sam? Leah? Yeah. I remember Leah was real shook up for a long time about that. No one could figure out what happened. Why he would drop Leah all of a sudden for her cousin. Caused quite a lot of ugly talk." Charlie was relaxing his face into his _I'll make you pee your pants_cop look.

Jacob took that as a good sign. He plowed on, "Well, you see Sam, he _Imprinted_ with Emily."

"Im...what? What does that mean? Is that like those Elvis guys down in Vegas?" Charlie was confused again.

Emmett could contain himself no longer. He dropped to the floor laughing, clutching his stomach, his words nearly incomprehensible.

"Vegas… dogs… sideburns_…rhinestone_… _polyester_…_suits_…Chapel…of…looooove!" Emmett was lost to the very school-girlish giggles escaping his lips, thanks to Jasper sending him a wave of giddiness.

Edward was close to losing it. Alice was folded in half in the chair next to the couch, shaking with silent laughter. Rosalie was laughing, though she was fairly composed; years of marriage to Emmett had considerably raised her laughing composure. Carlisle and Esme were pursing their lips in an attempt to not laugh at their son's father-in-law.

Bella gave Jasper a pointed look and a raised eyebrow, silently asking him to _help_ the situation, rather than hinder it. Suddenly, the room was saturated with calming vibes. Jacob stopped hyperventilating, and everyone else was able to stop laughing; Emmett started to make sense again.

"Oh Jacob…we could get you a nice white jumpsuit…I bet Alice knows right where to get one!" Emmett was ready to burst with all the embarrassing things they could foist off onto Jacob.

"Dad…those are _impersonators…_ Jake was talking about a Quileute thing…they call it _im-print-ing,_" Bella explained to a dubious Charlie.

"Imprinting? What does that have to do with Sam, Leah, Emily, and Jacob? I mean what exactly is it?"

"Well, when a Quileute starts to shift, he has the potential to…um…focus…his…love, his whole _being_ to the welfare of one woman. It's a lifelong bond of the deepest kind. We live to make her happy, and safe," Jacob was lost in his description now, an awed look glazing over his face. His eyes then settled on Renesmee, snuggled safe and sound; asleep in Edward's arms.

"Wow Jake, you sound like you're speaking from experience…." Charlie trailed off, his eyes suddenly took in the puppy dog look on Jacob's face, and followed his gaze to Edward. "Jake, I thought you said it was a _woman_…"

"What?" Jacob was confused.

"I assure you, Charlie, if Jacob had somehow found himself imprinted on _me_, he would be barking a few octaves higher," Edward said.

Charlie looked at Jacob's glazed adoring look again, following it back to Edward and _Renesmee_. Bella was his only daughter; it hurt seeing her married so young. But Nessie, his only _grandbaby_ wasn't even two, and here, she's…what, betrothed? _E__ngaged_? Charlie's face slid from confusion, straight over all of his best _soil your pants_ cop looks, and went straight to his PUT YOUR HANDS UP cop look.

Edward placed a hand over his daughter's ear in response to a brief flash of vision from Alice, effectively cutting off all sound.

"No! _Nessie_?! What the hell were you thinking?!!?" Charlie was yelling at the same time he was standing up; his right hand started grabbing for his empty right hip.

"Wait, wait, wait! Let me explain! IT'S INVOLUNTARY!! I COULDN'T HELP IT!!!" Jacob started backpedalling furiously. "IT'S NOT THAT WAY!!! I AM NOT A PERVERT!!!"

"Charlie! DAD! Settle down!" Bella yelled, "He's telling the truth; Jake didn't have any conscious choice in the matter."

"But she's a BABY!" Charlie was still rubbing his hip, as though he was wishing he _did_ carry his gun while off duty.

Edward was looking like the cat that ate the canary, and the goldfish, and the annoyingly stupid pet hamster. "Jacob, you've outshined even Charlie's worst mental mauling meant for me. I'm proud to call you son."

"You're OK with this?!" Charlie was looking like he was seriously rethinking his opinion of Edward.

"I stand corrected. Jake, son, you're on your own again."

"That's it Edward, cower behind Bella! OW! Geez! Alice, you vicious little pixie woman! Is everyone going to hit me today?!"

"Yes," Alice and Edward said, their eyes coming back into focus after watching everyone hit Emmett at some point throughout the day.

"Dad!" Bella was now looking at Charlie with fury in her eyes.

"What?! I can't show any emotion? Where's Mr. Valium? I'm feeling pretty crazy right now!" Charlie was looking on the edge of hysteria.

"Jasper!" Edward, Bella, Esme, Carlisle, and Rosalie said together.

Alice gave a low growl at everyone shouting at her mate. Charlie turned around, eyes wide and alarmed, automatically taking a step back from the tiny woman before him.

"Oh. Sorry Charlie. I didn't mean to get all possessive there," Alice slipped immediately back into her sweet harmless persona. "Jasper, would you please refrain from giving Charlie a real need for medication?"

Suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed drastically. Everyone was feeling like they had just pinched every penny's worth of food out of an all you can eat buffet, the day after Thanksgiving.

"Jasper!" everyone moaned.

"Sorry…too much…" Jasper relaxed, allowing everyone to feel normal again.

Bella was pinching the bridge of her nose; a mirror image of Edward while stressing. "Dad, Jake doesn't feel romantic feelings for Renesmee… yet. Right now he's like the best big brother, in a few years, he'll be more. But Jake's right. He's not a pervert. So long as he phases, he won't age either, so really, he's the best man for her."

"Thanks Bells," said Jake.

Renesmee sat up and stretched out of Edward's arms. "And he tastes good too!" she said with a yawn.

"Tastes good?" Charlie was looking ill again. "That, I don't want to know."

"Sure, sure," said Jacob, unwilling to explain it anyways.

"To think, Bella, all these years I thought our family was dysfunctional. Now here you've got a nearly 400-year old, twenty-something father-in-law, and his 100-year old, twenty-something wife; living with their married 100-year old teenagers; and their half-human, half-vampire grandbaby, who by the way is _engaged to the dog!_" Charlie said it all in one breath, looked around, and said, "It's been real fun spending the day with you, Bells, but I need some ESPN sports to take the edge off this landslide of information. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure Dad, I'll walk you to your car," Bella grabbed Renesmee and together, they walked with Grandpa Charlie out the front door.

"Grandpa, will you play with me and Jake tomorrow? I wanna have a pillow fight," said Renesmee as Charlie got into his cruiser.

"Sure, sure honey," Charlie said. Then he started the car and drove away.

Emmett looked around the room at everyone. "Well, that went well. Who wants to tell him about the Volturi?"

"OW!!! GEEZE, DID YOU ALL HAVE TO HIT ME AT THE SAME TIME?!"

"Yes, Emmett. Just be glad Bella's still outside. She may have taken your arm off" commented Edward.

"Uh oh…RUN EMMETT, RUN!" shouted Alice, just as Bella streaked into the house, handed Renesmee to Jacob and sprinted out the back door after Emmett.

Edward could just barely hear her words before she ran out of range.

"WHY ARE YOU RUNNING EMMETT? I DON'T THINK POLYESTER JUMPSUITS CAN CHAFFE A VAMPIRE!!!"

THE END

Be sure to check out Renee's Dinner Party with the Cullen Coven- Can the Cullens hide in plain sight, choke down Thanksgiving Dinner, find Emmett's filter and keep Renee clueless when she comes to town?


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